The Married Widows

March 30, 1997

THE WEEK

The Married Widows
These unfortunate women in Bihar have been dumped by their husbands, families and society. But some are fighting on

FORTY years of pain and misery flash in Manarauti Devi's eyes. She is 55 and the harsh winter of life promises no respite. In her dull existence the only colour is provided by the sindoor, the vermillion that streaks through her hair. It symbolises her hope. And her humiliation.

Manarauti is a 'married widow' of Rohtas district. One of the many women of the backward areas who have had to pay for the misfortune of being abandoned by their husbands.

Married off when she was barely 15 to Ram Bilas Singh of Sikarian village, young Manarauti slid from one calamity to another. A month after her wedding, she was informed by her in-laws that Ram Bilas had died in a train accident. As per custom, she was told, his shradh (funeral ceremony) was performed on the 13th day. Manarauti did not believe them: she had a hunch that Ram Bilas was alive. "I protested about the ritual but I had to succumb to pressure from the family," she says.

For the past four decades her family and villagers have treated her as a widow and they want her to live like one. She refuses to oblige them. Over these years Manarauti has continued to wear sindoor, earning the wrath of her family and village elders. They call her a badchalan aurat (characterless woman).
"My husband's younger brother tortured me for using sindoor," she says. "He was after my husband's property." She filed a case in the civil court at Sasaram and won a favourable verdict three years ago. She later sold the 25 bighas, her husband's share, and moved to her father's village in Gamahrian.

Manarauti claims that her husband returned to her three years ago, at Sikarian. "He came as a yogi to beg grain and clothes to achieve his 'final liberation' " She says. She persuaded him to shed his yogic existence and live with her, but he still takes off now and then. Her brother-in-law refuses to acknowledge Ram Bilas's return. "He is not my brother but a fraud," says Hira Singh of the man who returned. "She made him stay with her only to fulfill her sexual desire."

Manarauti is one to the hapless women of the Gangetic plains of eastern Uttar Pradesh and western Bihar whose husbands deserted them to become yogis. Motijhari's husband Raghubansh Tiwari left home in Karmanin village of Rohtas after coming under the Gorakh cult's charm. He returned to her five years ago to beg for alms, she says. "He requested me for alms so that he could achieve his 'liberation'," says. "I pleaded with him to come back to me but he refused."

Tiwari's nephew Girija Nandan is flabbergasted. He says his uncle died 30 years ago and his name has long been deleted from the voter's list. Asked about Motijhari's claim about meeting her husband, Girija Nandan says, "When I asked him he told me that he was not my aunt's husband." Sriram Tiwari of Karmaini adds another twist to the strange story. "Raghubansh was my childhood friend and the yogi who came to the village for begging was none other than he," he says.
LIFE is tough for the vivahit vidhwas (married widows). Shunned by their family and ridiculed by the villagers they cling to fading memories and a hope that they will one day be reunited with their husbands.

The men often walk out of their homes because of domestic disputes. "My husband was tortured by his brother because he was an educated unemployed youth," says Manarauti. Adds Motihari, "My husband worked as a casual labourer in a colliery. One day he told his father that he wanted to start a business. He was chided and left the house to become a yogi."

The yogis wander the Gangetic plains in orange robes, carrying the sarangi, astringed instrument, and describe the world as maya (illusion). Each yogi is supposed to roam the villages and beg for alms for 12 years. "In the final week of the 12th year he has to collect alms from his wife, addressing her as 'mother'. One who succeeds in getting alms from his wife achieves salvation," says Chandan Kumar Pandey who deserted his wife nine years ago to become a yogi.

Chandan was a class nine student when a thrashing by his father provoked him to leave the house. "I was married at the age of 10," he recollects. "A yogi came to my village. When I narrated my woes to him he suggested that I become a yogi."
Abhay Chaudhary had similarly left his family 35 years ago. "I was married at the age of 14," he says. "I used to watch football and neglected the farms. One day my elder brother beat me up and I left the house in protest." Ten years ago Abhay returned to his wife-not for alms but as a family man. "I was happy to learn that she had married off our only daughter," he says.

People of the area consider the yogis disciples of Lord Gorakhnath who had preached that salvation could be attained only by leaving one's family and surviving on alms. As per the cult's codes a yogi must deposit 450 kilos of grain, cloth and metal collected as alms to its head-quarters at Gorakhpur in Uttar Pradesh. "One has to deposit all these within 12 years; those who fail will be condemned to beg all their life," says Chaudhary. The cult prohibits yogis from staying in a house while begging in the village. "We have to sleep under the sky," says Chaudhary. Most yogis are a hit with women who assemble in large numbers to listen to their melodious songs. Some of the women are so overwhelmed that hey give their gold and silver ornament to the yogis.

"Most of the [yogis] sell whatever they collect and lead a colourful life," charges Alakh Rai of Nokha village. According to him some of them even practised black magic and hypnotised the audience. "I am looking for a particular yogi who got my daughter killed by practising black magic," he says. While the yogis lead a life of their choice, the women they have abandoned are hit the hardest. "In my husband's absence I had to face a number of problems," says Devmuni Devi of Khairahi village whose husband Jagannath Rai deserted her in 1972. "My in-laws were bent on declaring him dead after he left and asked me not to use the sindoor. I refused to oblige them because I knew he had left the house after his father refused to give him money to start business."

Manarauti Devi suggests that instead of harassing the abandoned women, the society should help them get remarried. 'I desperately wanted to be a mother but my desire was never fulfilled," she says. Vindhyachal Singh of her village is opposed to the idea. "It will be against the Rajput custom to allow a woman to remarry," he says. Villagers like him are influenced by the story of King Bharathari Hari that is regularly dramatised. The drama details how the king was made a yogi by Gorakhnath and begged for a dozen years to attain salvation.

Villagers like Vindhyachal Singh may be zealous to guard a tradition but Mahant Avaidnath, the head to the Gorakh cult (which he prefers to call the Nath sect) calls these yogis frauds. The Mahant, who is a BJP member of Parliament, is certain that some Muslim men are out to make a fast buck and to lure vulnerable Hindu women. "Some of them know beautiful songs of the Hindu religion. Women whose husbands have deserted them are falling victim to such yogis," claims a disciple of Avaidnath.

The Mahant gives a warning: "These people have nothing to do with the cult. I have instructed my men to beat up such yogis if they are seen in the around Gorakhpur," He also said that not a single yogi had deposited a kilo of grain or other material at the headquarters. Some villagers consider the Mahant's views politically-motivated. Says Ram Ekbal Rai, "It is rubbish to say that all the yogis are Muslims." He alleges that the Mahant has been benefiting from the material deposited by the yogis at the ashram in Gorakhpur.

Abhay Chaudhary too is furious at the mahant's claim. "I have personally deposited the material with Avaidnath several times. There is a register with him in which our deposits are listed." He adds that there are 14,000 yogis in the village around Gorakhpur. He himself knew hundreds of them. "No one is a Muslim."

The arguments and counter-arguments will continue. The mahant may even score a few political points. But the married widows of Rohtak are not interested in the rhetoric. They only want their husbands back.

KANHAIAN BHELARI